A Letter

[dragon]

Письмо, написанное мной только что. На английском (чтобы лучше продумать содержание), с кучей ошибок. Вообще-то, читать чужие письма нехорошо. И если содержание неприятно вас удивит или испортит ваше мнение обо мне - я предупреждал... Но закрывать запись я не стану - так надо.

Открыть конверт

Hello, buddy!



You, who shared evil and kindness with me, you're the one knowing me the best.

So... I address this note to you. I didn't talk to you directly. Always knowing about your existence in the present. And just some time ago I've decided I need it.



Do you remember how our life in the past was builded by us? Step by step. Circle by circle. Sin by sin. Every circle is one additional sceleton your closet.



Do you remember the most early childhood? Don't be offended, but yes, I think you were the little retard one. You could read when you were 3. I remember this good: it was a tale about bunny and fox, wasn't it? The first text read by you. You were really smart one. Smart, but retard. Addicted to your parents or other guardians. Being terrified by really stupid things, having multiple fobia. This is the first circle: circle of fear.



Do you remember that injured bird? Pigeon, right? That time you were with boys of the same age. They were casting stones at bird till it stopped move. It doesn't actually matter that you didn't stop those little brats. But you also cast one stone right at bird's broken wing. You were one of those brats too. That's why I'm mad. Much time ago you also were killing insects and spiders. You were making them suffer and killed em. Well, I think you just saw toys but not the living creatures in the insects. Later... much time later... you remember? Yes, in age of 10. It was just a little quarrel, wasn't it? And you became so angry. You even were about to hit that guy to his weak heart. Weren't you intend to kill him? Later, a little time later you had a cat. Do you remember his name? Of course you do. Did you actually like it? Honestly? If so, why did you make it suffer? Weren't you a tormentor for that poor cat? I still cannot forgive you for that. Even if I forget about other cats suffered from you, but it... it was YOUR pet. Why on earth was it choked and beaten by you? And why the hell did you touch other cats when you had your own pet. Afterall it came to your cat's illness and your father left it at the pet nursery. How do you think... is that cat still alive or is it dead already? I don't know too. You know, now I have a pet too. Cheerful and beautiful cat always in playful mood. And as I said, I cannot forgive you now. This is the second circle: circle of cruelty and violence.



Sorry for writing these unpleasant words, but I really need to put everything from my mind directly on you. So let me talk about the third circle.



Many times you wanted something that belonged to another person. At once you'd thought that nothing bad would happen if you steal any thing you like. This wasn't a circle, just a loop. A loop you had left. But what about a lie...



Do you remember how it was happen? I cannot say for sure, but I think it was when someone made you to do something you didn't want to do. You avoided it secretly. And then there you found that saying a lie can be much easier than saying the truth. At once getting a bad mark from the school you decided to hide it. Few years ago you became cold to science and started to skip classes. What the shame!

This cirlce is the circle of lie.





But you know, there were also bright episodes of your life. Remember that time when you wanted to become a magician. Yes, you dreamed aobut it. Why not? Everything could be changed by magic. You didn't like your mirror reflection. You did'nt like your shyness. Your every love was unrequited. Well... that time you had already defeated yor first depression that appeared when you realized the existence of death in this world.



Much time earlier, remember your night life. Well, at home alone you weren't sleep much. Getting up at 6 a.m. you always were listening the Soviet Hymn. Yes, you really liked and still like it now.

But I also remember another night life. Do you remember that girl in your child dreams. She was present in every your dream. Until that night when you said: "And then there she died". That girl, I don't know her name, she stopped visit your dreams. Last year I often think about her. Wasn't your decision too cruel? Well, that time it was just up to you.



I don't want to talk about the circle of sin. You're know, we are guilty at all. So, let's close this topic for now.



And that the most damned circle - circle of lazyness. It's the deadly sin too. And it was interfering our lives all the time till this days. It's the border too hard for cutting off. But you need to do it. No, I do.



I tired of writing this letter. Didn't think it would be so long.



So I want you remember just one more thing. Few years ago, when your deceiving was discovered. Can you remember a thing that make you so depressed, a thing that make you suddenly become to change? A key word is death again. You didn't know that little girl. But she could be your good friend, don't you think? Actually you didn't think this way. But that girl's death shocked you. Not only her. Another death also shocked you. It was somebody you didn't know again. Why were you so impressed I wonder? Sure, you don't know. Neither I do. Changing the mind is natural like changing the body is. So without that event I couldn't think this way and say such the words. So it's sad, but it was for the better afterall.



But you know, not only sad things happens to our life. Yes, you're a sinner with few deadly sins circles. Just like I am. But I cannot exist without you. I damn you and I like you. Because no one can exist without the one's past. But you know, it's too pitiful to live the past only. So... my dear friend, let's get sceletons out from our closet and bury 'em. Let's erase all the sadness from the past and accept it's shade as just a lesson. It's because I don't want to have you behind my back this way.

So, my friend, let's close this page. It's ok to have a secrets but not sceletons in the closet. So, I hope you understand me. So, softly and hopefully I say you:



Sayonara.